Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Of Cooking and Cracking

So, I discovered a really neat cookbook at the ol' library today at lunch entitled, "The Food You Crave" by Ellie Krieger. I've never heard of Ms. Krieger so I settled into my chair after dinner to learn about the foods I crave and how they can be healthy, too. None of this matters in the slightest because we have to talk about door to door salespeople or, as I like to think of them, my test subjects for confidence. Seriously, I balk at sales pitches...I hate it and yet I need to get's like lifting really annoying weights.

Okay, so, I have visions of rolled oats, cranberries, and capers running through my head when "knock knock"-subtle yet alerting...the perfect knock.

Me: Hi
Salesperson: Hi, is your mom at home? (this was my only escape and I blew it...)
Me: Ummmm, no, I'm the
Salesperson: Oh, I'm so sorry, you are so young! Girl!!! Gimmie High Five! Right there! That's where it is!

I'm not even going to attempt to script this out. Suffice it to say, I found myself high fiving, bumping elbows, and knuckle bumping through the most uncomfortable 10 minutes of, well, at least the last month. It was the perfect sales pitch. Let's see here....

The product- Green Apple Advanage- The WONDER CLEANER
Does it work? Yep, she already had my tarnished brass light, moss covered patio rail, and siding clean as a whistle. What can't this stuff do???

Bandwagon technique? Check- yeah, she literally showed me the checks of my neighbors

Sympathy? Yep- She's a single mother of four working her way through college

For a good cause? Of course! I should be so happy to see her working pushing cleaners and not drugs! Helping her and families like her stay off welfare... how can I resist?

No way out? All bases covered here...

"I'm kinda broke right now..." should work, but it doesn't. She already pointed out the quality of my car, the size of my home, my youthful successes. No, I couldn't do it...too lame. After all, I am successful and here she is with 4 babies at home. Damn, success guilt.

"My house is already perfectly clean!" Nah, the evidence was all around me.

"I'm attempting to live a sustainable lifestyle and only buy natural cleaning products." This has got to work!
I kid you not, before the thought fully formed in my pitiful brain, she already had me cornered and literally ATE some of this cleaning crap.

Grrrrrr! So, I cracked. In the very small space I had to get a word in, I find myself saying, "Okay, I'll buy just one bottle"- guess how much? Come on! Guess! $38.00 freakin' dollars! So, now, with the promise that my shiny new bottle of Advanage- THE WONDER CLEANER will clean the equivalent of 60 bottles of my organic stuff, I can sit here and be happy I don't have balls because losing them would have been too painful. I must now go clean my hard water stains...